ny, ny

brooklyn, ny

new york city. there does not exist the superlative capable of capturing this place. call it the big apple, call it grandiose, call it intense or bizarre or frenetic or wonderful or barbaric. regardless, this city will make your superlative look like a child's flotation ring on a grown gorilla. attempting to encapsulate gotham, with its eight million souls scurrying across over around and beneath its three hundred miles of real estate, is a thankless task. there is always more to be said, both in depth and breadth of description, that it's best to not even try. instead, you should just raise a glass of whiskey and shake your head.

a day in late august will mark my fifth year as a resident of this city. i could never be a true insider, but i believe this tenure allows me to self-identify as a card carrying new yorker. in my humble attempt to relate the inside to the outsider, i can only start by saying that it's all true. all of it. to begin with, and i don't know how to say it any better way, we really do think we're better than you. if it's not said, then it's thought. if it's not thought, then it's felt. if it's not felt, then it's floating gently within the subconscious.

there are some other cities in this country, but none worthy to be its peer. san francisco? like placing the stuffiest elements of park slope in a more temperate climate. chicago? colder, more crime, less culture, and would have a severely diminished application without john hughes. boston? that's cute. los angeles? attracts people who like mirrors and traffic jams. miami? attracts the worst new yorkers. philadelphia? i keep forgetting you guys are still around down there. d.c.? enough about me, tell me your favorite story from law school. st. louis? we would sooner feign a russian accent and the inability to speak english than have a conversation with you. all the rest of you: love your airports.

it may not sound right, it may even sound cruel, but i thought you had a right to know. this does not necessarily imply truth, but things tend to get called the way they're seen around here and this forum has no room for exceptions. we could drive this ship to jupiter off the fumes of our hubris, though some of it is definitely with reason. we know that we have the biggest buildings, best food, best nightlife, best music, best public transportation (huge caveat: for this gas guzzling country), best parks and public spaces, and the list goes on. but the real reason for the swagger in our step and perhaps the best kept secret is that this city has the best people.

the young boy who dreams of being the best coke-snorting, money-grubbing banker? he moves here. the next aspiring great artist? new york. the great american novelist? new york. the best architect? yep. the best actor (the thinking man's actor, one who would never work with michael bay)? new york. singer/guitar player/drummer/cellist/trumpeter/rapper/etc? mmhmm. the quixotic teacher seeking to save the world? teaches in our board of ed. the most aspiring of attorneys wants to handle our divorces. the most type-a of restaurateurs opens their eatery to us. while we are weighed down by the quantity of long island and new jersey imports, it must be said that the hum and purr of this machine is perpetually being reinforced by the steady stream of dreamers who pour into our streets. it's not all about competition. in fact, surprisingly few of us have that mentality. instead, at many times it does feel that we are continually rubbing elbows with the starry-eyed who wish nothing but the best for us as well. at the end of the day, i think we all carry a healthy share of respect for one another.

while i can wax about the intangibles of the accumulation of so many strivers, it need be said that we are kind. we love nothing more than to help you take the right train and get to your destination fast and safe. we may be cold and cruel when passing on the sidewalk, but get us indoors and we love nothing more than your great conversation. we hold doors open, tip really well, give impromptu hugs, lend our ears, say 'this rounds on me', smile, sing, cuddle, share, and love like nowhere else. we are bright, bold, and beautiful in our humanity.


when those nights happen
five gentlemen gather in a leafy backyard, varying members of the meat subgroup from the food pyramid are prepared on a small grill. the weather is perfect. and so maybe we arrive at the governor's island ferry just a few minutes after capacity has been reached for the free yeasayer show. lesser men would surrender; the brave fenagle their way onto the day's last ikea boat and salvage an impromptu red hook bar crawl. and all goes well and every one is happy, even after the bouncer has informed you that your japanese companion appears overserved and may just need an escort home. kampai.


i heart new york
a long walk to work #3 was unexpectedly more pleasant than the usual warm air of a sunday afternoon provides. fifth avenue was marked off for blocks through bay ridge. there was the block filled with at least four deflated bouncing castles and contingent of impatient children waiting for the two frustrated adults to figure out how to use the gas-powered air compressor. one block was filled with arepas and latin american cuisine. another offered gyros and knockoff italian. one block blared the most beautiful music from a local organization dedicated to the advancement of arab-american concerns. the stage in front of the lebanese restaurant had a crowd of hundreds watching an absolutely beautiful belly dancer. dozens of blocks, thousands of people, hundreds of vendors. but the one that made me pause and take just seven minutes out of my routine to tap my foot was a stage with five fifty year olds. they were talking and thanked the crowd as i approached, but soon ripped into a very worthy rendition of deal by the grateful dead. it goes to show you don't ever know....