nobuyuki

tokyo, japan

my grandfather spent months of each year working in utsunomiya throughout his career with boeing. though still a little hazy about the exact projects, i do know that it was engineering (math, but louder) and that one involved a rail link near an airport. what i know most about these years is that his hard work put food on the table for my mom and family and that through all those years and projects, he befriended the takahashis. in 1995, when he was retired and i was fifteen, he brought me and my dad for a week to see this country he loved so dearly.

my dad warned me not to compliment anything too effusively and i soon learned why. walking around a japanese home and casually saying, "mighty fine sword you got here" could result in their insistence that it be your souvenir. it doesn`t matter how many centuries the object in question has been in their family; your expressed curiosity is enough to trigger their ceaseless desire to please their guest, especially if you were a relative of tomsan. i obliged for the most part, though i did come home with several programs from sumo matches simply because i saw a television match and said something prophetic along the lines of, "dude, sweet."

if i fast forward to today, it`s more or less the same predicament. it doesn`t matter that nobuyuki and i were roommates for almost two years in brooklyn. it doesn`t matter that we existed as equals during a very long period of co-habitation. we were respectful with noise and cleanliness in the common areas and always had a kind greeting when we`d run into each other in the kitchen. sure, i helped him out a little. i invited him into my room to watch the ncaa tournament and brought him out to a number of parties or barbecues. i introduced him to my wonderful circle of friends and people seemed to really dig the japanese guy who made his best effort at english and was willing to put back an equal number of beers. he more than appreciated the immersion into our particular brand of american "culture," but i`ll be the first to admit that this was really not that big a deal.

he returned to tokyo six months ago to be with his girlfriend, masami, whose american work visa was soon to expire. two weeks ago, out of the blue, i realized that i have to connect in tokyo and so i send a casual i`ll-be-there-it`d-be-cool-to-see-you email. what has transpired was totally unexpected, though hardly surprising.

the guy is not exactly raking in the yen, even if he is getting by. still, he rented a car to pick me up at narita. he rented it again to drop me off. dinner each night has not been some casual gathering while we nourish ourselves. they have been greco-roman challenges. each time i mentioned i was full, it seemed to signal that it was time to only order two more dishes. when the check came, it was not one of those "i'll get it" "no, i'll get it" "no, i'll get it" "are you sure?" "i'm sure" "are you really sure?" "i'm really sure" "thank you" affairs. it was his two fierce hands propelled by working forearms that snagged it before i even had the chance. for transportation, he went and bought my daily metro pass before i even woke up. it got so ridiculous that when i insisted on buying travel items at a department store for myself, he thanked me.

and then last night i paid. i surreptiously dug my credit card from my wallet and slipped my hand behind the bamboo divider so the waiter could take it and run. and when he returned with the slip, my friend's first reaction was not gratitude. he was disappointed. and this was no shame at not being an adequate host or feeling some tinge of hurt pride. he really just wanted to provide for me so that i would have more money for my trip. again, i gave the guy two weeks notice that i was coming into town.

after a fifteen minute discussion, he reluctantly thanked me even if he wouldn't really look me in the eye. his mood lightened by the time we hit the train. i'm sure i can find a way to attribute his reaction and hospitality to his culture, just as the takahashi clan showed so many years ago. but i think that would be so simple. the reality is that i hit the craigslist lotto so many years ago and have found someone who is so much more than just a friend. i've found someone to admire. and if he is/was going to be too stubborn or reluctant to let me pay him back, then the least i can do is let him inspire me to pay it forward.